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Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit her grandmother in the forest and her mother said, “You’d better not go out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because the big bad wolf’s out and you know what he’ll do; he’ll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and shag your little red socks off.”

But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said, “Don’t worry Mum, I’ve got it covered.”

So she was walking through the forest when she came across the three little pigs. One of them ran out of the brick house and said “You shouldn’t be out tonight Little Red Riding Hood! The big bad wolf’s out and you know what he’ll do if he catches you. He’ll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and shag your little red socks off.”

So she pulled out the shotgun and said, “Don’t worry boys. Got it covered!”

As she continued through the forest she came across the big bad wolf and he said, “You shouldn’t have come out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and shag your little red socks off.”

So she lifted up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties, lay down on her back with her legs apart, pointed the shotgun at him and said…

“NO! You’re going to eat me like the book says.”

Women

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me . . .”

How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won’t do what she’s told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%.
It is called Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me “What’s on the TV?”
And I said, “Dust!”

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Imagine …..

The Beginning

Playful Pussy

Some Good Advice …………….

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are overly sensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an overly sensitive woman.

My name is Nick. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Wanda.

When I took “early retirement” last year, it became necessary for Wanda to get a full-time job, both for the extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed
she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’t yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I’m ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it usually seems to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take ‘em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won’t have to rush so much.

I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any(if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I’m a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big,
cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Wanda. I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men WIll find it
difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows
better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging
wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other…

Let’s Play – Who Wants To Be A Millionaire!

A husband and wife were getting ready for bed one evening.

“Honey,” the fellow asked, “do you want to have make love tonight?”

“No dear, not tonight,” she replied.

“Is that your final answer?”

“Yes, that is my final answer!”

“In that case,” he said, “may I phone a friend

Three Men

There were three stranded men walking down a sandy beach on a deserted island. They walk a little ways and find a magic lamp. So they decide since they are stranded that they might as well rub it. After they rub it a genie pops out and says each one has one wish.

The first man wishes he was at home making love to his wife. POOF, he’s gone

The second man wishes that he was at his favorite strip club, drinking a beer with his friends. POOF, he’s gone.

The third man doesn’t know what to do, so he thinks for a minute and says, “hmm, you know i really wish those two were back here to help me make my descision.”

Womens Rules